Beautiful Susie the mannequin was the only thing in my room large and coherent enough to declare a tree this year. I gave her new lipstick, glitter, and multi-coloured lametta hair. This is the first time Susie has had hair, as none of my wigs fit her, and it makes her look much more real (her previous headcovering was a lampshade, complete with working light) and much more glamorous. In this light, she looks just a little bit like Nicole Kidman in tinsel. Now there's a warming thought. The wings belong to my oldest Selfridges bird, three years old now, and still as rich a green as the day I bought him. I don't name my birds. I'll name them when I get real ones.