i have an eerie hypnotic stare

.But not that eerie. The eyes have been ... helped. The slight distort came purely courtesy of the camera lens, however, though (unlike other mavica self portraits) I did line up the shot by looking in a mirror at the preview pane of the camera. Sneaky.

alien boys visit me in tabletop rockets

.Inhumanly pretty Dickon Edwards visited Spacecaption1999, and probably abducted someone. Not me. There's a little bit of trickery around the rocket to make it look more like it might be going somewhere.

i can cling to the underside of branches

.And the way my bag clings to my shoulder is just another manifestation of my magnetic skills. This photograph is, of course, upside down, and the church is just a reflection in the canal.

in low light levels, I can hypnotise people with small soft toys

. Irritating lights and reflections smoothed out and made more fun with Photoshop lens flares.

i can discern the shape of the world around me from the smell of a flower

.The original photograph is very, very beautiful; Pizza Express at Victoria has the most spectacular lighting and very pretty flowers, and I was too tired to get restive as Matt took an age over the shot. Worth it? Yes. The Man Ray filter is called difference clouds. I helped it get it right with a bit of dodge and burn.

i can manipulate plasma hoops

.Glowing light jewellery, a dim sitting room, Matt takes another photo. Look at the pretty colours. While I've obviously fiddled with the bracelet itself, the work which went into making my face look OK is, I hope, quite invisible.